Loving the Unlovable: Finding Compassion in a Divided World
After my recent Transforming Love & Power Workshop in Ajijic, Mexico a woman came to me with a question that so many of us quietly carry: “How can we apply love to people we don’t like or agree with, especially politicians or those who cause harm in the world?”
It’s a powerful question, and one that sits at the heart of love led leadership.
The First Step: Turning Inward
My answer to her was simple, though not always easy: we start with ourselves. We all carry shadows: the destructive, judgmental, or fearful parts of ourselves that we’d rather not see. When we deny them, we project them outward, seeing in others the very qualities we haven’t made peace with in ourselves. The more I learn to love the difficult parts of myself, the more compassion I naturally have for others. Loving the unlovable in the world begins with loving the unlovable in ourselves.
Why We Judge Others
When we feel triggered by another person, it’s usually not about them. It’s a mirror.
Their arrogance might reflect the part of us that’s afraid of being “too much.”
Their greed might echo the part of us that fears never having enough.
Their control might remind us of where we’ve surrendered our own power.
If we can pause and ask, “What is this reaction showing me about myself?” we open a doorway from judgment into self inquiry.
Extending Love Beyond Agreement
Loving someone doesn’t mean excusing their behavior or agreeing with their actions. It means holding the paradox:
I can oppose harmful systems and still see the humanity in those upholding them.
I can advocate fiercely for justice without letting hatred corrode my heart.
I can acknowledge the shadow without abandoning love.
This is what it means to lead from both love and power.
A Practice for Everyday Encounters
Next time you feel resistance toward someone, whether it’s a politician on the news or a colleague in your workplace, try this:
Pause and breathe. Notice where the reaction lives in your body.
Turn inward. Ask, “What part of me feels unseen, unhealed, or unloved right now?”
Offer compassion. Place a hand on your heart or belly. Whisper: “I see you. I love you.”
Extend outward. Imagine sending that same compassion to the other person, not to excuse, but to acknowledge their shared humanity.
Love as the Way Forward
The world doesn’t change by adding more judgment and division. It changes when we do the courageous work of loving ourselves fully, shadows and all, so we can extend authentic love outward. The invitation is this: before we try to love those we find “unlovable,” let’s begin by embracing the parts of ourselves we’ve long rejected. Because when love leads the way within, love also leads the way outward.
